Day Three -Life Improvement

So today was my third day out running. Okay, jogging. Okay, making my body move forward in a combination of running, jogging and walking (mostly a lot of walking).
I planned to write a post about my first day out, but when I got back home I was feeling AWFUL. I thought I was going to throw-up and I was not able to sit at the computer and blog. Then our power went out...

But on Monday I got up and out the door by 9 AM. I would have gotten out sooner, but I had a fussy teething baby to care for all day Sunday and she didn't let me sleep very much so I did well to just get up and out there -at all.

I sadly found that I probably can't go even 1/4 of a mile without stopping. I want so much to lie about this. I want to write ONE MILE, but why should I be ashamed? I know that shame will only make me want to quit. It is what it is. And soon it will be "it was what it was"...because I am going to stick with this! I am going to work at this! I am going to improve! I will be soon saying I can go ONE FULL MILE NON-STOP!!!

Yesterday I went to the doctors for a check-up. I got on the scale and was alarmed by what 3 numbers appeared before me. When I said I wanted to lie about how far I could run -let me tell you I REALLY want to lie about what I weigh. But it is what it is. And it too will be a number from my past. I weigh 189. Oh so sad... How did I get this way? More importantly, why did I let myself get like this?

I don't believe in beating myself up. So I won't. But I know it's important for me to explore the "why?" and "How?" behind my weight problems. I will do so in light of the celebration that I am abandoning these bad behaviors and turning to good ones. I am going to assess the junk, reflect on it a bit as I dump it and begin to only allow the healthy and good quality stuff to occupy my life from now on.

The celebration starts here because I know this is only the beginning. Things are getting better. I will run farther week by week. And when I get on the scale in a few weeks I will joyfully say, "I weighed in at 189 when I started, but now I weigh much less."

I am so sore right now. It's almost unbearable, but it's oddly exciting and encouraging. The pain means I am doing something. The pain reminds me all day that I did something awesome that morning. The pain is like a reminder to celebrate. It also takes me back to when I joined the cross country team in high school. The first few weeks I could hardly move. I hated it back then and nearly quit because of it. But now it reminds me of those days and encourages me to keep going -because I remember how awesome it was back then and how much I accomplished.

Today I thought about Hawaii while I was running. I tried to imagine my family and I having fun at the beach. I tried to visualize myself confidently wearing a bathing suit. I don't need to look like I belong on the cover of Sports Illustrated, but I would like to wear one without shorts and a t-shirt to cover myself up. I want this for me. I want this for my husband (in that he would enjoy me not feeling embarrassed about myself and "sitting out" water activities) and for my girls (I want them to grow up with a confident mother who doesn't obsess over how fat she looks).

My plan is to run every day. But there will be some days I just won't be able to. Tomorrow I have a meeting at 9 AM so I probably won't go. Or I will just walk -to keep my muscles limber. That's tomorrow. And not today. I am working hard to stay focused on today. The only day that really matters. Looking ahead and back is good and has it's place. But today is where I am. Today is mine to make AWESOME!

To a wonderful day with Aloha Spirit!