A while ago I promised that I would not hide from the truth on this journey to Hawaii. The truth is that I have been very busy since I last posted on here and I haven't wanted to post anything on here.
When I last wrote my knees were in extreme pain. I was concerned, but not terribly. Well, over a week later they were still hurting (even though I did not go out once since my last posting). It was so discouraging. I got depressed about it. I wanted to go out and run, so much, but my body was preventing me.
For the past few days my knees have been feeling better and I planned to go out and run. But I haven't. I cannot fully express the feelings I am having. But imagine a woman crying, "I don't have enough money to feed my children" as she rips up a twenty dollar bill. It's just absurd and borderline insane.
My desire is to run, to get back into shape, to hopefully lose weight and feel better about my self image. But I couldn't go out because I am so out of shape and the extra weight has hindered my knees (I am sure that's the real culprit) and yet when I could go I sat at home and felt bad about the fact that I was sitting at home not out there pounding the pavement.
Why do I do this? Why do so many of us do this? I know that this condition of mine is one most people have (in one way or another). I started this blog because I want to live in Hawaii. Very much so in the literal sense and in the symbolic sense. So why do I choose to stand in the desert?
More on this later.
But I am taking a vow to run tomorrow morning. I will not continue to stand in this desert crying for a beautiful oasis when the bridge is right before me. I don't want to be the pathetic nut-case who becomes content with just wishing things were different when I can make things different.
Aloha!
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