I had every intention to blog daily about my 40 days of praying about Hawaii, but it just hasn't worked-out to do so. Mostly because I've been busy and my husband's been a laptop hog. ;-)
Today is day 19 of the 40 -half way though, basically. And so much has happened, already! God's so cool like that!
Since I haven't blogged about it at all since the first two days I will do my best to recap the last 17 days:
On my 8th day of praying I sat during my girls' nap and just asked God for wisdom and where to go from there. I felt led to Google "Hawaii" and "Christ" and found the church,
Christ Fellowship Hawaii.
Under their "Vision" heading I read: "...facilitate church planting to the islands..." I lit up! I wrote the pastor of the church for more information about their church planting and for more information/resources for learning about the needs of the people of Hawaii. But did not hear back from the pastor... [read on to the very end to learn more about this email.]
I keep having "Hawaii incidents." It seems like everywhere I look I see something about Hawaii or something that reminds me of Hawaii. From the cups Del Taco use for their extra large drinks (something we don't usually order) to seeing
this video on Youtube a few days ago (notice it says on the description of the video -->
"What began as another exhilarating manta ray night dive off Kailua-Kona, Hawaii on an August evening in 2010, quickly turned into... ."
So far, the most note-worth "Hawaii incidents" happened in the wee-hours of the morning of Friday, the 3rd of September. My youngest, Grace, was crying and was not settling back to sleep. I went to her room to comfort her and while holding her and and trying to shush her back to sleep I heard the radio on and for some reason I decided to turn it up a bit louder to hear what they were talking about. [Side note: my girls sleep with the radio on -I usually have it to our local Christan radio station, but earlier the day before Gracie got up on the dresser -she sure can climb! and turned the dials and pushed every button. When I went to put the girls to sleep it was blaring some AM station so I quickly scanned the dial in the dark and left it once I heard a Christian song.] Back to the early morning crying...! :-) When I turned up the radio I heard a woman talking about her granddaughter, Katelyn. Having a daughter, named Katelyn, I perked up to hear more. While shushing Gracie and rocking her in my arms I listened to the woman talking about a time when her son and his wife were
called to Hawaii. I stopped mid sway. She didn't say much more about Hawaii, but what had felt like so many just coincidental "Hawaii Incidents" suddenly felt -well, almost invasive!
When I got Gracie back to sleep I didn't know what to do with what had just happened. I don't want to be an over spiritual person -you know the ones who make everything out to be a sign for something and who cannot just look at a pencil lying on a table without analyzing it for some kind of supernatural meaning. LOL -you know the type! :-)
But soon I felt Spirit led to get on my knees and pray. To boldly ask Him to come to me and tell me what all this means! Earlier on Thursday evening I watched
this video about a testimony of a really awesome God encounter. As I was on my knees in prayer at the side of my bed, I began to beg God to just come fully -to be fully with me in that moment like He was with Kim -the woman in the video. A bit into the begging I got very still and quiet, fully expecting Him to be there -in full. [Side note, I don't normally feel so expectant for something I ask for, but I felt so moved that morning, so directed, so spiritually alert and alive I was fully expecting Him to walk up to me and sit with me in prayer!]
God didn't come in person, Jesus didn't sit by me, an angel didn't appear to me. But God did speak to me through His word. In my silence I heard -distinguishably not from me -though only in my head,
"Where two or more are gathered, in my name, there I am." I looked up and saw my husband sleeping on the bed. I knew what God was telling me. I asked Him then, "So even if you did give me this answer, it would not really matter, huh?" I felt He was saying, "not really, dear." I looked up at Alex again. "So I need Alex to be praying this with me too." I didn't really hear anything with that one, but I knew that I knew that no matter what the answer is, no matter what God's will for us was -it would not matter that I
knew it if my husband didn't
know it too -like I would
know it. It would be me telling him that God had told me. And if it is that we are to go to Hawaii, my husband would either not believe it (not that he would think I was lying) and so our life would go on as it is now -except I'd be more frustrated
knowing that we were to go and my husband not
knowing. [By all these knowings, I mean experiential knowing -like you know your spouse,
not knowing like a factual/intellectual knowing.]
I didn't really know what to do with that. I understood it, agreed with it, but didn't know how to continue praying after that. I continued to pray, but didn't really know why I was supposed to -especially if the answer He gave me would not "matter" without Alex
knowing too.. So...truthfully, after that I was a bit discouraged and didn't really pray that much about it. But I pulled through that funk -not really sure why I got so stuck. Thankfully I did keep praying and honoring what God led me to do -40 days of prayer.
I did tell my husband about what God told me. He said that he has prayed about it, but not that much. I was a bit frustrated with him. I wanted to scream, "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR THEN, MAN?!" LOL But thankfully, I just said that I hoped he would pray about
praying about Hawaii and if we were to move there. Keeping in mind, the whole time, that God granted me the wisdom to know that it would have to be Alex and God coming to the knowledge of whether or not we were to live in Hawaii (along with my knowing too).
A day after I had this new wisdom from God I could not help but sorta feel like the answer was "yes." I felt this way because I couldn't see why God wouldn't just tell me "no" if it was truly a "no." But I truly don't want to read into it what isn't there and I know that God isn't being secretive to challenge my detective skills, LOL.
This past Friday, while meeting with my Women's Bible Study group that I lead I was relating the experience I had with God telling me that Alex and I had to both -through prayer with Him- be united in our knowing of whether or not we are to go to Hawaii. [We are studying Ephesians - specifically the end of the 5th chapter and how it talks about the unity of a husband and wife is like the unity of Christ and the church, His bride.]
Then, possibly IT happened!
I think -through time, confirmation and unity on this will only tell- but I think I got my answer. And I
think the answer is "YES!" As I was sharing this, I of course had to explain to the ladies why I am praying for forty days about Hawaii and all the "ETC." it entails. We got off topic and went down the Hawaii trail! [Much to my delight, I must say!] A woman in my group, Kay, who is at least a thousand times more qualified to lead the group than me said something to this effect, "But you know that this is from God right?" I explained that I've wanted to live there since before I was a believer and that I was not at all clear on who's will it was -mine alone, or mine of His. She said (again something to this effect -how I wish I had what she said recorded!) "But God doesn't leave things undone; He isn't a God who does half the dishes -He does them all! He doesn't leave anything undone. If He's called you to pray about this and He's given you such a desire for Hawaii it's not for nothing -you know you're going to end up there someday." I qualified the desire again as not necessarily God's put into me and my concern that I might not ever get to go to Hawaii because I cherish it so much it might not be Godly at all. But she insisted that it wasn't likely the case and that it was likely God's desire put in me. And when I prayed for God to fully come to me and be with me that
that was the key. So she said,
"Who knows when this will all happen, but every time you have a 'Hawaii Incident' you should use them to be a reminder to ask God 'Show me Your glory!'" She went on further to say, "I can't wait for the phone call from you to tell me how God's put it all together and you're on your way!"
After our study was over I shared -still in a bit of shock and disbelief and wonder of it all- with one of the other leaders and a dear friend, Erin. I can still see the smile on her face as she related to my cautious joy. She was outwardly expressing my inward giddiness and said,
"I bet you're like, 'Dare I believe?!" And that is a great summary for that moment!
"Dare I believe, Lord?!"
On this past Saturday, after a photo shoot, Alex and I went to lunch. I was trying so hard to keep it from Alex that I felt I had an answer -I wanted him to hear it from Him and not me. But I am as impatient as it gets. And I convinced myself that I had no reason to not tell him. [I still think there was no reason to keep it from him -I didn't feel led to keep it from him.] So I told him! He didn't say a lot. But as I was trying to feel-out his response I said something along the lines of "I am just sick of feeling like this -feeling like I am crazy with this obsession over Hawaii. I mean, it's like I cannot put it into words how I feel about Hawaii -it's like trying to explain how it feels to love my children; how it feels to make love to you. Words don't do it justice. And
if this is not from God I want it to leave! But Kay felt quite strongly that it was from God. And I can't help but feel maybe God gave me my answer yesterday." We discussed it a bit -mostly I just rambled on (I am a woman of many words and he is a man of fewer).
Then he said that he too wants to live in Hawaii and that every time we vacationed there he found himself thinking "I could live here." I knew he too wanted to live there, but there was something about the way he said then that gave me hope that soon we'd be united in what God's will for us about Hawaii was. And I have a strong feeling it will be that we'll be moving there -some day. Hopefully soon!!!!
Last note for this extremely long entry: During that lunch with Alex I had said something about wishing the pastor from the church in Hawaii would have written me back. He said,
"The pastor from the church did write you back!" When we got home I read it and was elated to see that he asked me to call him to talk about it! I wrote back asking when was good for him and I am still waiting for a reply. I will certainly blog about it when we do connect!
At the end of his email to me he signed it with "With the Aloha of Christ, Brent." I like that! I will use that from now on!
With the Aloha of Christ,
Rhiannon
